Tomorrow I’m heading to Green Bay totally naked.
Drop your eyebrows. Close your mouth. I WILL be dressed, but clothing is the least of it. I’m having surgery tomorrow, and I’m not allowed to wear the really important things. Like lotion. Or makeup. Or jewelry.
Lotion I could probably live without. My skin won’t be baby’s-butt smooth, but it will take more than a couple days to do any real damage. Makeup, though–oh come on. What self-respecting woman of a certain age would be caught dead in public with a naked face, looking like an anemic prune? They know not what they ask.
I can’t wear nail polish, either. More enforced nakedness. 
Fancy fingers are my creative outlet. I’ve applied stripes, polka dots, floral decals, butterflies, even tiny little gemstones. All of that eventually proved to be more trouble than fun, so I’ve scaled back to just using bold colors–blue, green, orchid, purple. But naked nails? How boring. How mousey. How not me.
My jewelry, though, that’s a tough one. I’ll be walking through those hospital doors with naked holes in my ears. How déclassé. Every eye will, I’m sure, be drawn to those unadorned lobes that usually sport something elegant or bright or amusing. Maybe I’ll wear a hat.
My jewelry isn’t just vanity, though; it’s part of my self-identity. My bracelet with the medal of the Immaculate Conception, the scapular medal worn around my neck, the Benedictine Oblate pin, my rosary ring, and most important of all, my wedding ring. I’ll be stripped of rank, denuded.
And in the end, as I lay there waiting for the pacemaker to be implanted, I will indeed be naked. They’ll have managed to make the undressing complete.
Naked we’re born, the Bible says, and naked we return. This naked trip to the hospital isn’t nearly as profound.
Monica's Pen 
Well I would wear lipstick even if I had to take it off when I got there. Yep, I’m sure of that, mom would agree. Great article and wonderful way to start off. I am sure you startled a lot of people.
Startling is good! Yeah, I figured I might as well focus on the humor of the whole thing.
Best wishes as you recover. btw you described this prune as Sunday is the only day I sometimes put on lipstick. I’ve never found a brand that doesn’t disappear quickly.
Mine is starting to bleed upwards. Not very attractive.
P4raying for quick and pain free recovery! You are beautiful no matter how much or hopw little you wear–we are all in love with your heart and your brain!
Oops. Can’t edit typos from comment above Should have checked–dumb, numb hands. (Had to correct 3 typos in this comment.)
I am fluent in typos! LOL! I discovered that once in the hospital, I didn’t care a fig for how I looked–and right now, back a home, I’m running around in an old shirt of George’s because I need something that buttons down the front. I do hope we don’t get any unexpected company.